[SPARK-55428][BUILD] Sync Netty Java options everywhere

### What changes were proposed in this pull request?

Remove redundant `-Dio.netty.tryReflectionSetAccessible=true` in some building scripts/`pom.xml` - it has already been added by `JavaModuleOptions`(`spark-submit`-based cases) or Maven property `extraJavaTestArgs`(ScalaTests/JUnit cases)

Add the missing opts to `sql/connect/bin/spark-connect-scala-client`

```
-Dio.netty.allocator.type=pooled
-Dio.netty.handler.ssl.defaultEndpointVerificationAlgorithm=NONE
```

### Why are the changes needed?

Keep Netty Java options sync everywhere.

### Does this PR introduce _any_ user-facing change?

No.

### How was this patch tested?

Pass GHA.

### Was this patch authored or co-authored using generative AI tooling?

No.

Closes apache#54209 from pan3793/SPARK-55428.

Authored-by: Cheng Pan <[email protected]>
Signed-off-by: Dongjoon Hyun <[email protected]>

Author: pan3793

R/run-tests.sh

@@ -30,9 +30,9 @@ if [[ $(echo $SPARK_AVRO_JAR_PATH | wc -l) -eq 1 ]]; then
 fi
 
 if [ -z "$SPARK_JARS" ]; then
-  SPARKR_SUPPRESS_DEPRECATION_WARNING=1 SPARK_TESTING=1 NOT_CRAN=true $FWDIR/../bin/spark-submit --driver-java-options "-Dlog4j.configurationFile=file:$FWDIR/log4j2.properties" --conf spark.hadoop.fs.defaultFS="file:///" --conf spark.driver.extraJavaOptions="-Dio.netty.tryReflectionSetAccessible=true -Xss4M" --conf spark.executor.extraJavaOptions="-Dio.netty.tryReflectionSetAccessible=true -Xss4M" $FWDIR/pkg/tests/run-all.R 2>&1 | tee -a $LOGFILE
+  SPARKR_SUPPRESS_DEPRECATION_WARNING=1 SPARK_TESTING=1 NOT_CRAN=true $FWDIR/../bin/spark-submit --driver-java-options "-Dlog4j.configurationFile=file:$FWDIR/log4j2.properties" --conf spark.hadoop.fs.defaultFS="file:///" --conf spark.driver.extraJavaOptions="-Xss4M" --conf spark.executor.extraJavaOptions="-Xss4M" $FWDIR/pkg/tests/run-all.R 2>&1 | tee -a $LOGFILE
 else
-  SPARKR_SUPPRESS_DEPRECATION_WARNING=1 SPARK_TESTING=1 NOT_CRAN=true $FWDIR/../bin/spark-submit --jars $SPARK_JARS --driver-java-options "-Dlog4j.configurationFile=file:$FWDIR/log4j2.properties" --conf spark.hadoop.fs.defaultFS="file:///" --conf spark.driver.extraJavaOptions="-Dio.netty.tryReflectionSetAccessible=true -Xss4M" --conf spark.executor.extraJavaOptions="-Dio.netty.tryReflectionSetAccessible=true -Xss4M" $FWDIR/pkg/tests/run-all.R 2>&1 | tee -a $LOGFILE
+  SPARKR_SUPPRESS_DEPRECATION_WARNING=1 SPARK_TESTING=1 NOT_CRAN=true $FWDIR/../bin/spark-submit --jars $SPARK_JARS --driver-java-options "-Dlog4j.configurationFile=file:$FWDIR/log4j2.properties" --conf spark.hadoop.fs.defaultFS="file:///" --conf spark.driver.extraJavaOptions="-Xss4M" --conf spark.executor.extraJavaOptions="-Xss4M" $FWDIR/pkg/tests/run-all.R 2>&1 | tee -a $LOGFILE
 fi
 
 FAILED=$((PIPESTATUS[0]||$FAILED))

sql/catalyst/pom.xml

@@ -173,7 +173,7 @@
         <groupId>org.scalatest</groupId>
         <artifactId>scalatest-maven-plugin</artifactId>
         <configuration>
-          <argLine>-ea -Xmx4g -Xss4m -XX:ReservedCodeCacheSize=${CodeCacheSize} ${extraJavaTestArgs} -Dio.netty.tryReflectionSetAccessible=true</argLine>
+          <argLine>-ea -Xmx4g -Xss4m -XX:ReservedCodeCacheSize=${CodeCacheSize} ${extraJavaTestArgs}</argLine>
         </configuration>
       </plugin>
     </plugins>

sql/connect/bin/spark-connect-scala-client

@@ -71,6 +71,8 @@ JVM_ARGS="-XX:+IgnoreUnrecognizedVMOptions \
   --add-opens=java.security.jgss/sun.security.krb5=ALL-UNNAMED \
   -Djdk.reflect.useDirectMethodHandle=false \
   -Dio.netty.tryReflectionSetAccessible=true \
+  -Dio.netty.allocator.type=pooled \
+  -Dio.netty.handler.ssl.defaultEndpointVerificationAlgorithm=NONE \
   --enable-native-access=ALL-UNNAMED \
   $SCJVM_ARGS"
 

sql/core/pom.xml

@@ -344,7 +344,7 @@
         <groupId>org.scalatest</groupId>
         <artifactId>scalatest-maven-plugin</artifactId>
         <configuration>
-          <argLine>-ea -Xmx4g -Xss4m -XX:ReservedCodeCacheSize=${CodeCacheSize} ${extraJavaTestArgs} -Dio.netty.tryReflectionSetAccessible=true</argLine>
+          <argLine>-ea -Xmx4g -Xss4m -XX:ReservedCodeCacheSize=${CodeCacheSize} ${extraJavaTestArgs}</argLine>
         </configuration>
       </plugin>
       <plugin>